Peace.

Well, maybe we can sing the tune of "Ding dong, the blogs are dead." (Nod to Annonymous commenter) Actually you could probably sing that about this blog too.... Not that it was ever alive to begin with. Anyways.

Just read through "SGM is Boring" on one of the sites. It's a bummer they wrote a blog with that title, (Actually I never read the whole thing, just the title) I was thinking the same thing about Anti SGM Sites. They bore me. Exceedingly. I haven't even taken a peek for months. I kept waiting for the "Bombshell" that was promised. I kept waiting to hear about how the corruption of SGM would come to fruition and we would crumble like a sand castle against the onslaught of the charges brought against us. **Yawn**

It was then it suddenly dawned on me. No one cares. The popularity of these sites were vastly over exaggerated. I honestly forgot that they even existed. My soul benefited from not reading the words written on those sites for these past months.

Hmmm, I cut something out of my diet and I became healthier. Sounds like a slam dunk to me.

For all you SGMers out there, keep doing your deal. Take it from one who's experienced the healing from chronic Anti SGM site reading. Reading words of gossip and slander take such a toll on one's soul. Don't even bother. Also don't anyone feel like they need to defend SGM, there wasn't ever anything substantial to defend against. God alone will defend us against those who bring accusation. There is no algebraic equation or metaphor, or logic, or reason that can be used to dissuade those who have viewed their time in SGM as "Dark Days."

Let them continue to rail and point out our flaws. It matters not. We have borne them well and shall be better for it. Besides some of them I believe to be genuine Christians, we may just end up standing next to them as we worship the Savior in heaven on day.

I'm checking out of the blog scene. My Sovereign Grace local church is where I'm spending my free time. To everyone who has commented, thanks for being good sports and steer clear of reading/writing gossip. You'll feel better/heal faster :)

The Satirist.

Really?!?!

April 7th 2009 "jim" wrote:

"The situation at CLC is an abomination. The pastors influence over the wife apparently did not include an encouragement to keep this quiet. She let the genie out of the bottle to the extent that the details have made it to my inbox.

Gentlemen, when all is said and done in this case, I’m going to make you famous.
I promise."

I may be reading this wrong, and Jim, please chime in if I am, this sounds like a threat. Are the gentlemen that you refer to anyone in leadership in SG? "I'm going to make you famous"? Really Jim?! Do you think you are in an espionage war or something? Do you think you are Jack Bauer with some damning evidence in your "inbox" that you can use to leverage a response from CJ? Will you resort to breaking into CJ's office, use a knife under his eyeball to get him to "talk"?

Are. You. Serious?

You take many liberties with your perceived knowledge my friend. How's your investigation going? Is the reformed "big dog" ready to march into CJ's office with your large manila envelope of offensive documentation and demand that CJ be "relieved of command"? I've been waiting to hear news of this "bombshell" but have only heard good reports and good things about SGM.

A brief aside. I remember the first time I saw a picture of you and noted that you have a remarkable resemblance to the Hughes Family. Then I read your comment about wanting the comments to stay away from Bob Hughes saying, "Not everything is meant for the Internet." This stopped me in my tracks. It was a notable change in your M.O. of "Everything damming SGM belongs on the Internet." Are you related to the Hughes or do you know Bob personally? This sudden switch in your personality was very intriguing. Could you elaborate possibly?

Annonymous Commenting.

Thanks to some of our annonymous commentors. We were unaware that some of the anti SGM websites were run by self admittedly divorced older women. In hindsight, the things that we perused on those various sites makes much more sense in that light. Hell certainly casts an evious eye to the fury incited by the scorn found in those words. There's an old adage that speaks of this isn't there??

Unlike these sites, we would like to encourage annonymous posting here. We promise we will not track your IP address and figure out where you are. ::rolls eyes:: Contrastly, we don't measure our success by the amount of comments we receive or where we think you are commenting from. Your identity is safe here and your comments are welcome. Be warned however, commenters from anti SGM sites will inevitably drift over here from time to time and badger what you say if you use any sort of Biblical truth or logic. Please don't get dragged down by their vain arguments. It's ok. Take a deep breath and remember these are scorned women. "It's better to live in a desert land than with a quarellsome and fretful woman." Pro 21:19

Aint that the truth.

Why you should leave your church right now.

Why You should Leave Your Church Right Now.

By the Staff Editor



I remember attending a christian event while in high school as an observer. I met lots of interesting people most of whom were home schooled. I remember one young kid in particular because upon introducing himself, he informed me that he and his family didn't believe in organized corporate meetings of the church. Without hesitation I simply asked for a Biblical reference that made him and his family believe that God was cool with this. Sadly he couldn't find one and ran off to meet another person and share his conviction that organized church is wrong.

I truly felt bad for the kid, he had been raised by a set of parents who probably got burned by some church somewhere and now those parents are depriving their kids from one of the primary means of sanctification God uses in our lives: The local church.

If a poll were to be taken across America today how many people would raise their hands to this question: "Have you ever had a bad experience at your church?" I don't want to create statistics here but I would have to guess the percentage would be quite high. Heck, I'd even raise my hand. Oddly, this surprises people.



Matthew 7:14 "For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." (Emphasis mine)



The early church had mad problems and issues, serious issues. But today people experience their pastor not followintheir g advice on what the direction of the church should be and then act hurt like the pastor called them an idiot and threatened to stone them publicly. A brief aside: Direction of the church is not your call. It's God's call. And it's the responsibility of the Senior Pastor to hear and obey what God instructs. If you disagree with your church's direction (unless the direction is clearly not biblical) don't try to change it. The church is like a ship, and the Senior pastor is at the helm, God is the wind and the rest of us work with the helmsman to run the ship smoothly. If navigating by popular opinion is your idea of a good church, please go find zen atop Nepal. You'll do far less damage there. (And will probably be happier)



Thinking about leaving your church? If you are at that point in your thinking, then you should just find somewhere else to go. Does your church not "meet your needs?" Find another religion then. If your reason for leaving a church is based on it's inability to meet your specific needs then I would seriously rethink your salvation. What a slap in God's face! "God, I know you are all knowing and all powerful and that you have what is best for me, however this local church you placed me in isn't going in the direction I feel is best for me, I'm bailing."

If you think the church is here only to serve you, boy do you have some serious theological wires crossed. I would humbly suggest a alternative. Try this: The next time you feel like your local church is not meeting your spiritual needs try serving others. Try making a meal for a new mom, try asking your pastor for suggestions in which ministry you should serve in. Try attending your small group meeting ready to participate consistently. Seriously, try it.

Thank you Sir, may I have another?

Our apologies. Some of us were on vacation. Mexico's beaches are pretty fine this time of year ;)

We're actually a bit over the rantings of SGMsurvivors.com and SGM refuge.com, one would think there is a progression of grievances based off their bitter words. In fact, it's the same old stuff repackaged and rewritten with a little help from a pocket thesaurus to dazzle their readers with large and psuedo-intellectual words and ideas. We aren't so easily impressed.

The idea of, "you can't change another person" is true regardless of whether you believe it or not. Bear in mind, we don't want to change them, we understand there is no way we even could! There isn't even a logical way to begin to understand them. One of the blogs spends some of their time making the case that SGM is a cult. Their distorted views of what SGM is all about, is only outdone by their bazen disregard for actually being a Christian. They say with their actions and ideas, "Hey! I don't like the way you are pursuing God and I don't like the way that God is using you, Here, let me help you see clearly."

WHAAAAM!

The obfuscation sure feels a lot like a rough hewn 2x4 smacking my eyeball.

This whole thing is something that would make a great SNL skit. A group of people (not a part of another group) making every effort to change the other group while at the same time putting down that group. Really?! Any group that would be shut down if they got what they lobbied for should be automatically disregarded.

We don't lobby for anything. We just report our perspective. And we have fun doing it. We will sit here in our little offices smoke pipes, drink beer, and read Spurgeon and chuckle at all the people who can't live their lives without bitching about someone else.

Bob Newhart said it best, so we echo with him: "STOP IT OR I'LL BURY YOU ALIVE IN A BOX!!!!"
Watch it here.

It's all about Roy.

It's funny we are being called to apologize for a prank we sorely wish we had thought of first. We were admittedly a little confused as to what had gone done over at SGMsurvivors.com concerning a person called Roy Baylor. (Which we think is a character from a John Grisham novel) We are flattered that you all think we did this prank, hoax, clever illustration, yet we cannot in good conscience accept the credit. After a few private emails with "Roy" it became clear that we had both employed the very same Proxy Switcher program and both had the idea of bouncing our IP's around the world and through Starbucks that were close to SGM churches around the states. This simply proves that great minds think alike. Although we would like to apologize to "Roy" for our part in uncovering his very funny story. To Roy: Our bad man, but we gotta keep our identities clean beause these people are crazy, if they found out who we were they'd go livid. Yeesh.

Roy posted his response here.

Good for him. The whole thing is so very funny and ridiculous at the same time, hopefully SOMETHING will get through to these people.

"Roy": you will be missed. Email us sometime in the future, we'd love to hear the full story from your perspective.

Keeping Record of Wrong

The purpose of this satire is to emulate in jest in order to prove a point. Everyone should have a problem with this blog. If you disagree with SGM's practices and leadership you should have issues with this blog, if you are an ardent supporter of SGM's practices and leadership you should have issues with this blog. This blog is a mirrored representation of how sgmrefuge.com and sgmsurvivors.com do things, albeit to logical conclusion. The fact that people from those sites (we apologize for not being pinpoint accurate with phrases like "people from those sites," we trust you know who we're talking about.) are disagreeing with this blog's posts and our subsequent comments is ironic. We do as you do. If you gotta problem with us it does pose an interesting dilemma.
One could make the argument that we aren't in this business to help people who are hurting and that's what makes us different than the anti-sgm sites. If that's true then is anything ok to do as long as it's in the name of helping people? Ok, so we're aware that that's a drawing the line logical fallacy. But we aren't trying to prove that we are exactly like those other site. (These other sites? Jim's Site, Kris's Site?) We don't keep a whole list of things that we think is wrong with these sites. They are simply put: Not Biblical. If this blog is a mirror image of a non biblical blog, the argument of "oh yeah, well this blog is doing what you said WE are doing wrong" more proves what we are doing. Well duh! That's what satire is genius! If you see something wrong with this site and what is said here, follow to what we are pointing to. If someone goes around punching people in the mouth thinking it's ok, how soon will he change his ways if someone emulates him? He thinks, "Oooo, so THATS how that feels, I don't think thats the right thing to be doing."
How silly to have that man look back at you and say, "What you are doing is wrong!" and then continue. *chuckles* We would call that man crazy.
The response from these other sites is the same everytime anything is said against them. "Well what about YOU?" Oddly enough, this practice is one that the majority of them claim that SGM leadership does just that; puts the spotlight back to the individual and asks about THEIR heart. Well, I'm sorry, isn't that his job? If you gotta problem with your pastor checking on your heart, the very thing you need at this moment is a good solid heart check from a pastor. But wait, my pastor isn't perfect and he sins. I need to be the one to show him this. *Eyes rolling* Oh brother.

Why we do what we do.

Simply put, this blog exists because there is no response to the anti sgm sites in question. Nothing will appease them except for SGM to change things according to SGMsurvivors and SGMrefuge's standpoints. We still find this wildly funny. The thesis statement (as far as we can tell) of these web blogs is thus: WE think SGM should change to what WE think it should look like. (Oh btw, many of these people left over disagreements with SGM) We thought when you disagreed with a group or organization you just left it. We disagree with PETA, our weblog over at petasurvivors.com is a list of demands for how PETA should change what they believe and think.
This is humorous on so many levels. First, there seems to be a fascination with SGM. These people left or according to some were loaded into a medieval trebuchet and catapulted off the church grounds and are now enviously looking back at that church wishing they could be there again. There seems to be way too much concern for trying to change others that radiates from these sites. Wasn't the idea of "you can't change anyone else" self evident the first time you heard it?
Well, determined to prove that biblical principle wrong outright, these web sites really put the time and effort in.
Everything remotely connected to SGM is wrong to some degree. Even the authors that SGM likes can't escape these blogs wrath. The girltalk blog is attacked for having a picture of smiling girls on the front and without reading the actual blog posts the entire site is condemned for being stepford wife-ish based on the front picture. Jerry Bridges is attacked for writing a book entitled, "The Joy of Fearing God." It's attacked by people who never read the book, they literally judged the book by it's title and cover. Rich Richardson is attacked for publicly apologizing to his church, it was said that he only apoligized to the richest person in the church so he wouldn't lose their tithe. The list continues ad vomitum. We've yet to hear one of the "regulars" on these (those) sites who has anything nice to say about SGM. We'll take something as little as, "they picked a good color carpet for the sanctuary." The reality is: according to these antiSGM weblogs, there is no good whatsoever in SGM. The people there actualy encourage people to leave their SGM church. If this isn't division and dissension then we don't know what is. The fact that SGMrefuge is over here commenting about our syntax and grammar is an indication of this blog hitting a very raw nerve. We understand people are hurting, but lets be honest, everyone experiences this. The public record of offenses is expressly PROHIBITED by the very word of God. It will in no way contribute to healing of past offenses. You must adopt a Nike mindset, "Just Do It." If a Pastor has offended you or sinned against you, will you freaking forgive him already?! If SGM has injured you greviously will you please just forgive the organization as a whole? If CJ has sinned against you, forgive the poor man and don't mount an assault on him. Don't collect mounds of information on all the instances of Pastors screwing up or leaders not being the perfect people that you set in your expectations with the intent of telling CJ his movement is crumbling. Who does that? What an earthly, worldy mindset. Christian vigilante justice in the form of extreme "observation" is stealing glory from God, and God will not be mocked. He is universally opposed to it. God says He will give Grace to the humble man and oppose the proud. From where we sit, the absence of CJ and the other leaders coming onto your sites to defend themselves (if you are all truly right in how big your influence is) is the mark of a humble man. The secretive plans and gossiping slander of the people who are injured, making sure that no one ever forgets how they were wronged is the mark of an outwardly proud and arrogant individual and God promises His opposition to you and your endeavors.

Response to comments.

First of all, we here at Anti SGM Satire Inc. take personal offense at being called "not funny" especially from an Anonymous commenter. To set the record straight, we are damn funny. The humor found in this blog is found only by those not blinded by their own hate of SGM. Well of COURSE you won't find humor in this blog. What's the "duh" factor on that one? Did you think this blog was for your enjoyment?
SGMsurvivors.com and SGMrefuge.com have drawn the line in the sand. They have chosen the battlefield and the weapons. The battlefield is the Internet and the weapon is attacking pastors who wont (because they don't have to) defend themselves. It's a horribly one-sided battle. Should any pastor from SGM attempt to (I roll my eyes at the sheer absurdity of it) post a comment on these sites, how do you think that situation will differ from a piranha feeding frenzy? You all have whipped yourselves into a frenzied stupor in which CJ is the anti-Christ and SGM is Big Brother. And anything that even has a stamp of approval from SGM is horrid and evil. Let's consider this standpoint for a moment.
Ok Done.
Yes it IS actually as absurd as it sounds. Don't worry, you didn't miss anything.
The people on these sites don't want reconciliation, they turned down peacemaker for crying out loud, a disinterested third party. Yes, this simply screams the desire to make all things right. The two sites in question are nothing more that a forum to whine and cry about things that make them upset. Don't you guys get it?! Yes bad stuff does happen to good people. Yes pastors screw up, yes situations could've been handled differently. These things are not license to air your offenses publicly.

And to respond to the kook who denied God His Sovereignty. If God is not Sovereign over everything, then He is not God. If you have a God who is not in complete control over every single atom in the entire universe, if there is one rogue cell that exists outside of God's hand: Then He is not a God worth serving or worshipping. If this is your view of God, then I am sorry. And so is God.

Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and spend time in jail. He suffered. That must've really stung, people close to him offended him and injured him. What was his response? "You big meanies, I'm gonna post on Pharaoh's blog all the bad evil things you did me so that everyone can be warned of your evil deeds." Hardly. Please.

His response was one of understanding of God's Sovereignty. "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." Does this mean that God allows suffering, that He sovereignly condones suffering?! OF COURSE HE DOES. You think that you've got a better grasp on the situations of people with offenses in SGM than God does?! How do you suppose God views this? Well we know how He feels about this. This was the same attitude that Lucifer had. Look where that damned logic got him.

It wasn't a midevil thing it's a God thing that's been in place before there was even the invention of time. To oppose this idea is to oppose the very character of God. Let us know how that works out for ya.

Consider the Tabloid

I often wonder about why tabloid's are still in business. Everyone knows that they are filled with nonsense and lies. The "reporting" in tabloids follow a simple rule: if it will sell, write it. Thus, tabloids are a pell-mell arrangement of unappealing photographs with libelous captions meant to incite a myriad of emotions; mostly anger or shock. They are accountable to no one. That last part is the dangerous one. The Associated Press could not get away (at least not to the same degree) with the same tactics of bad reporting and false testimony. They are respected and dedicated to being professional reporting agency.

That all being said. sgmsurvivors.com and sgmrefuge.com are nothing more than your run-of-the-mill supermarket tabloid. They are accountable to no one. No one checks their facts. No one checks up on the user posts to see if they can be verified. Anyone can post or comment on these sites and it's taken as gospel truth. Now that I think about it, it's replaced gospel truth. The people who run these sites are simply encouraging those who are hurt to stay in their hurt and vomit every problem SGM has. Which by the way, SGM is grateful for, God wants an unjured party to keep record of wrongs in a very public manner so the offender can have a readily available list of things they need to work on.

I am predicting that some of the grievous "stories" of how evil and diabolical SGM pastors are going to have the spotlight of truth shined on them soon and they will tumble like a house of cards. This will be the webblog's own fault. They claim to be growing in influence and yet I see no responsibility in leadership in the area of fact-checking.

Fact-checking is such a waste in reality. Why bother to report, comment, or even consider anything that's actually true and verified? It's much easier to hear someone new come onto your blog and start railing on the same things you are railing on and assume everything they say is true. How utterly irresponsible, and how foolishly stupid. Now there is an squad (i was going to say army but--) of bloggers who are united only by their common target. Funny how they picked a target (SGM Pastors) who wont fight back. Is this not the trait of a coward? Imagine the elation of being in a position where if the person you are slandering comes forth to defend himself, you are validated and somehow made right by the very fact he stepped up to defend.
If I could roll my eyes any more I'd go into redout.
If it wasn't so God damned wrong I'd be impressed. (And yes, thats an appropriate use of that phrase.) God actually does damn the gossip, slanderer, and those that keep record of wrongs.

Sgmrefuge and sgmsurvivor, you should pack up and all go back to your churches and work things out without assuming you are right. By not doing this you are causing division while shaking your fist at God, not believing that He's actually in control of whatever situation at any given SGM church. The existence of both your sites is a monument to your incredibly brash and public lack of belief in the sovereignty of God. I wouldn't be rejoicing in getting more hits each month to your monument of unbelief. Seems a bit brazen in the presence of an almighty God.

A response from sgmrefuge.com

Well finally our comment was accepted by sgmrefuge.com. And boy what a gaggle of clustered chaos it stirred. The responses were somewhere below the level of school yard return-fire tactics that included a carefully crafted response that sounded suspiciously like, "oh yeah, well you're just stupid."
I guess we here at this site feel like we're the hostage negotiator trying to open a clear line of communication while at the same time establishing a rapport with the other party. The clear line of communication was to speak using the same forum they use. And to establish rapport it was determined for us to use demeaning, slander, gossip and just being plain rude tactics to get the other party to see us as "one of them." For an odd reason, this apparently didn't work out to hot.

After reviewing our metaphors, it was suggested that this situation is more of a stranger (us) trying to talk a person (sgmrefuge.com, sgmsurvivors.com) out of jumping off a 100 story building. Sure you want them to not jump but honestly, if they feel that strongly about it, they do it. And after they do, it really comes down to this: They get to reap the rewards of that decision, not us. And while I would surely hate to see a fellow human being jump to their death, It's really not my call. Jump. Don't jump. But whatever you do, choose one so we can all go home for dinner.

In any event, the response we got was, to say the least, not very welcoming. I think the worst part of the whole thing, was that we were accused of being misinformed. This made me laugh out loud for the better part of the afternoon. Especially since they haven't a single clue who writes for this blog. I assure you, dear reader, we are many things but misinformed is rarely one of them.

We also ran into being mocked for our acronym. ASGMS. Even with a decent command of the English language it does take quite the dirty mind to take that as something to snicker about. This informs you of whom were are trying to communicate. Believe me, it IS as frustrating as it sounds. "HAHA, your acronym makes me giggle so I'm gonna discount everything you say, thumb my nose at you and treat you like a child."
Their condescension dripped off their responses just like a drink would drip off your face if it were thrown at it. Which incidentally may have happened if our comments were made in person.

See, I was thinking that going into a blog that offers---more like, "asserts with abandon" an opposing view to a church group would appreciate hearing a counter argument fashioned in the same manner as their original argument. It puts both people on the same playing field. This however, did not serve them and their response was to lash out with very strongly worded comments to my comment about a comment that turned into a post. Did you catch all that? You find it all ridiculous? ::gasp::
How could you even suggest such a thing? This is therapy for those church battered people. You cant take that away from them. Who cares if said "therapy" is code for public sin. (And if this word "sin" makes you uncomfortable and brings back nightmares of why you left SGM, this is natural. The rest of us actually deal with it as adults, but I can understand your trepidation at the sound.)

The second highlight of my day was when my editor finished reading all the refuse posted on sgmrefuse.com (pun intended) in response to our comment and she looked at me and remarked, "Don't these people have jobs?!"
These must be the people that perpetually populate Starbucks during working hours.

I would imagine it's tiresome to keep up whining ALL the time about SGM. Caffeine would have to be a must. After reading the archives of old posts and comments on both sgmrefuge.com and sgmsurvivors.com it's become way past the beating of a deceased horse. It come to the point that the dead horse has been beaten until it's body deteriorated and past that has been beaten into and through thick concrete and bedrock foundations. Tectonic plates have shifted and volcanoes have erupted amidst earthquakes and tremors. Beware all horses: should you pass away, your body will become the collective puching bag for a group of overly bitter people how will use strongly worded comments to prove they are always right.

One of these sites actually lists in it's rules to refrain from posting the text of scripture in a comment trying to dissuade them from their practices. Apparently quite a few people already used scripture to alert them to the error of their ways. The reasoning was, yeah yeah, we all can look up verses and

Warning People

If we here at the Anti SGM Satire Inc HQ had a nickel for every time we read a variation of the excuse, "the hurtful things we say about Sovereign Grace is all justified because we are warning people about them," we'd take that money and buy the sgmsurvivors.com/onlinestore Jeffersons Bible. We'd also chip in a penknife for free.

This thought occured me: by pointing out every little deficiency in SGM and blaming them for everything from the bad dream you had last night to Global Warming, you are assigning SGM as God. Now I'm quite sure God isn't too happy to hear about this transition, but clearly sgmsurvivors think that He's been asleep at the wheel. To assign blame for a circumstance to SGM, or to assign blame for a heart issue one is dealing with to CJ Mahaney or Steve Shank tells us a few things. (a) your view of God is a micron shorter than a strand of hair. and (b) these guys are easier to blame than to blame the One who created the very mind you use to defame His bride.

So. Really?! You can say whatever you want about someone just as long as it's under the category of "warning them." Let's give it a shot:

Don't visit sgmsurvivors.com or sgmrefuge.com because if you do, a part of your soul with flee your body with a shriek of an engine thats been shot with a sniper round. Reading any posting or subsequent ad nauseum comments about how SGM is like Nazi Germany and CJ is like Hitler not only lowers your IQ but it damages you spiritually. Exposing yourself to the sheer idocy of vain arguments heavily laced with bitter rants bent on causing only hurt and dissention doesn't exactly put you in the right place to worship God. I think these site owners have quit their jobs so they can sit at home and giggle with each other online when they find new things to blame SGM for or find out how some pastor slipped up.

That was fun.

So if we believe that it's really God, not SGM, who determines the course of every circumstance, I would challenge sgmsurvivor.com and sgmrefuge.com to turn their comments heavenward. All the hurt,dissention, hate, anger, slander, gossip and bitterness needs to be directed to God. NOT SGM. See how He takes it.
No?

Why not?

Oh sure, it's easier to hide behind your keyboard and take potshots at pastors who wont ever fight back.
Oh by the way, We've talked with several pastors about these sites; they all really couldn't care less about what is written about them online. They spend their efforts with the people who actually go to the church they pastor, not with embittered people from the outside who are trying to change the church. (I found this hilarious. Here I was thinking we had an issue to uphold and the SGM pastors we talked with didn't think twice about it)
Back to taking potshots at the men that God ordained and placed in leadership. If you have an issue with how a leader is leading (or not leading) you take that up with God, not incite a rebellion. You think the direction of a church should go a different way, you tell God that to His face. You think your pastor is the wrong man for the job, in all your infinite wisdom, I say you should go tell God about it. But spend all your free time festering old wounds and backstabbing and undercutting a group of churches, specfic pastors and leaders?!?!
Are. You. Serious?
There is no precedent.
There is no Biblical basis.
There is no way God is OK with this.
There is no way any good will come of it.

I don't suppose you all could just get over it and go away? Why keep up the fighting? You all want change for the church that you don't want to be a part of? Why don't you start your own church and try being a pastor for all of five minutes. While your there you can grow up.

Censored?

Over here at the Anti Sovereign Grace Ministries Satire corporate headquarters we held a meeting earlier today about why our two sister sites:
sgmsurvivors.com
spiritualtyranny.com

are not allowing us to make comments or promote our new blog.

There's only one reason why they would restrict an organization such as ours from commenting.

We must have hit a raw nerve. We heard that the leaders of our two sister sites sent out emails telling their members not to visit our blog or read any of it's contents. *snicker*

Also we went back into the archives of sgmsurvivors.com and found a comment posted by a (now) former member who felt convicted about the gossip concerning SGM he had posted in the past. The interesting part was the ridicule he experienced afterward about his public apology. He was quickly eaten alive with strongly worded comments and posts. We're sure God will deal more harshly with him later. It's a good thing sgmsurvivors beat the crap out of him with their words. That'll teach him never to repent of his sin again.

The highlight of my day is spent reading Eric Cartman vomiting new big words he learned on dictionary.com's "word of the day" in an effort to distract his followers from realizing he's a bitter person without a cause. He doesn't even get to be a rebel without a cause. (a bibbel? Bitter + Rebel?) John Immel, you are so utterly bitter it's frightening. I hope you are nowhere near our town, for your bitterness is predicted by NASA as the next causation of a black hole. Not even light can escape your bitter tirade and jumble of letters and symbols meant to prove your point. Way to spread darkness and dissention and crap all over the world man. That being said, we are done with your blog. Spiritualtyranny.com is dead to us. You have nothing intelligent to say, you have nothing positive to post about; your bitterness is like crunching rocks between one's teeth. Your slander is so positively one sided and verifiably wrong on every level it's just a given that you'll lie and assume the worst. And your horse beaten slogan of "SGM is responsible for every bad thing in my life" bores us to tears. It's only a matter of time before you find another church or group to bitch about. Hope that goes well for ya.

Having a blog is fun. You can say whatever you want!

In the office here we have a growing list of people that stop by our sister sites and are so completely blown away by the venomous bile that leaps off the computer screen and infects you with the black plague in a matter of miliseconds, that they are compelled to go attend a SGM church to see what the fuss is. We now know that 50 people, single/married/elderly have begun regularly attending a SGM church because of Spiritualtyranny.com and sgmsurvivors.com.

Believe us, the irony and humor are not lost.

Anti SGM Blitching getting attention?

Excited by the apparent newfound (at at least apparent growing) interest in their brilliantly contructed whinings and slaggings, (slander has been thrown around a lot, I'm thinking slander + Blogging) the two sites SGMsurvivors and spiritualtyranny are now posting their numbers of hits on their sites. At least one is, i'm not sure if the other is posting them, at least both are congradulating themselves on their growing popularity. I envision a schedule of respected members taking turns holding down the "refresh" button for hours at a time.
In other news, this blog, while only in existence for a mere 48 hours has had 1.9 million hits in the last 7 minutes alone. Our voice is being heard! Our influence is growing.

With a quick perusal, as well as deep research into the archives of both sites, it's apparent that several SGM pastors must have at some point, hunted, shot and killed the firstborn child of each member that post on these sites. This is based on the vileness of accusations and anger found in between the lines of every post and comment. (heck, screw "inbetween the lines, it's everywhere) I'm predicting a coup d'etat of a SGM church to happen in the near future. Every pastor will be asked for his resignation. While precedent for holding a church hostage isn't necessarily found in real scripture, we're still waiting for the official sgmsurvivors.com Bible to be added to the online store (No joke, they actually have an online store) complete with revisions, additions, and removal of any verses condemning their actions. This is OK because the original Bible apparently didn't account for the fact that they have been sinned against. Or at the very least it didn't account for them being offended. It too bad God didn't account for this sudden turn of events. Imagine: People sinning. Freaking. Unfathomable.

Also, should anyone care to know, both sites are keeping a public record of offenses. This is especially comforting because it's obvious the people on these sites are quick to forgive offense and are prone to overlook offenses. This archiving of sin will make sure that no one could possibly forget what has happened to each and everyone of them.
Instead of keeping a running tally of offences we have decided to keep a running tally of Biblical practices, nice things said, and general positive things posted about SGM.

SGMsurvivors.com - Still wading through the sheer volume of blitching.
Spiritualtyranny.com - Hell called, the snowball melted.

*frowns*

I'm sure it's in there somewhere.

We here at Anti SGM Satire Inc, are encouraged by the aforementioned web blogs' example in this: Now that we have our own blog in which we can post whatever we want, our voice is now important. Who gives a crap what we post here or if it's even true. We blog, therefore we matter. And what we have to say has importance.
(As this is being written, the editor is sticking her head out the window and yelling "Validate Me!")
I'm sure every SGM pastor has those sites bookmarked and check them everyday fearful that their name may creep up. Lord knows they have nothing else better to do, such as deal with future SGMsurvivors.com members in their offices. "You want to talk about MY sin!? What about YOUR sin." Brilliant comeback. It's not like your Pastor is responsible to God for your spiritual care or anything. Or was that accountable to how YOU think you should be lead? I forget what the Bible says. Seeing as how "your heart is good and, Pure above all things, you can trust it" i'm thinking you should shake your fist at your pastor now and go your own way. Who needs a Church to help you grow anyways? Can you imagine if thats how God choose to help you become more like Him?! *Snort* A sinful, imperfect Pastor used by God?! See this is why Paul was so effective, after years and years of being a perfect Godly man, God saw it fit to use him to preach the gospel. See, we earn God favor. And we earn the right for Him to use us. Not just anyone can be used by God, you gotta work at it.

Just hit the 2 and a half million hits mark. Wow. We have been Validated. We are a contender. We matter. And what we post here, is important.

I Survived an Anti-SGM drive by blogging.

I would suppose that when any one person or group of people stand for something, there will inevitably be another person or group of people that universally disagree with the first group. You have pro-lifers vs the anti-lifers, the authors of the Federalist Papers and their opponents with the brilliantly titled rebuttal, "The Anti-Federalist Papers." Republicans and Democrats. Blah blah. Although on the much smaller scale than age old politics, there is a small group of people who cannot stand Sovereign Grace Ministries. (sgmsurvivor.com, spiritualtyranny.com to name two) After reading the past years worth of blitching (blogging + well, you get the picture) I was won over with their winsome words. I was immediately convicted of my disobediance of Matthew 18:15 which reads
"If your brother sins against you, go and write a scathing blog about his sin, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along in your mudslinging blog and continue to record every offense, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'

Imagine my shock and dismay at reading this in my Bible. Why had my SGM pastor not preached about this verse? How dare he censor the living word of God?! You mean this whole time that I've been uncomfortable with God's primary means of sanctifying me to be more Holy, I could've been undercutting and gossipping and slandering online to vent my frustrations?!?! Holy smokes. This is HUGE. We're gonna blow this lid off this cover up. I did some more bible searching...

1st Timothoy 5:13 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. Unless of course it's on an online blog. Then by all means instruct the people that it is their God-Give right to be gossips and busibodies.

Whoa.

Leviticus 19:16 " Do not go about spreading slander among your people. " 'Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD."
--- Now see at first I had a hard time with this one, because it almost looks like God actually and specifically spoke about what SGMsurvivors.com and spiritualtyranny.com authors and commentors post, and it says that what they are doing is sinful and wrong. But obviously God doesn't have all the details. What about for people that are actually hurt by an offense. This makes gossip and slander ok right? Of course it does. I mean what if I've been really offended, I've earned the right to blitch. God understands. Leviticus only applies for people the spread slander for no apparent reason.

Psalm 41:6 Whenever one comes to see me, he speaks falsely, while his heart gathers slander; then he goes out and spreads it abroad.
--- Again, I think this verse had me stumped for a short while. It almost sounds like the author of this passage is trying to convey that spreading slander abroad is a bad thing. Actually i'm quite sure that this author of the passage wasn't aware of all the facts. What if what I have to say is true? That doesn't make it slander right? Of course. When it's true, it's our duty to make sure we defame, slander, and gossip about anyone who offends us, sins against us, or just makes us upset.

So while it may seem like the Bible prohibits the actions of the aforementioned blogs, it really encourages it. It's also a good thing that the Bible doesn't say anything about God using your Pastor to grow and sanctify you. Otherwise we'd have a huge problem. I mean what if God decided to actually use your pastor to rout out sin in your life in a manner that make you a bit uncomfortable. Imagine the horror. Removal of sin isn't such a huge deal. Why should we open up and respond with humility and consider our pastors better than ourselves when that might feel uncomfortable. And worse, what if my pastor isn't a perfect human being? He might, SIN against me. I am so glad that God wants us to blitch and whine on online blogs about how SGM is just an evil corporation who's end means are to brainwash us into being: more like Christ, more in love with our Savior, more diligent in our spiritual disciplines, more knowledgeable in the scriptures.

It's also freeing to know that drive-by blitching about specific pastors even though I may not have all the information or perhaps only heard it second or third hand, is completely ok and encouraged by God. God wants us to do these things because sometimes, things slip out of His control, and He needs us to warn others about how bad and evil SGM is, as a whole. Keep up the good work guys, there's a special jewel for your heveanly crown thats achieved only by getting a certain number of people to leave a SGM church. Strain forward to that goal! Don't let people like Peacemaker get in your way. Don't let anyone deter you from this singular goal: Inform the world of how SGM is not of God, and record every single mess up and post it publically. You have the word of God on your side. Fight on.